I‘m treading on thin ice even writing about this but here goes nothing. So today is international women’s day and I’ve been thinking all week whether to even write something about it. I mean what does running a business, startup, branding have to do with women’s right? well, everything to be honest. When someone says feminism, I always equal the term to my own mother. I would definitely put her in the running as a feminist. My grandpa sent her from Iran to London at just 16 to study economics in 1970, left Iran at just 29 with 2 young kids, raised us as a single mum while working several jobs and I’ve not heard her to this day complaint about the shitty situation she was in all those years. Whenever I talk to her about it, she looks at me with a big smile and says:
“The world doesn’t stop or care about you, it is whatever you make of it and you have to move forward. You can be sad about the injustices around you, confused, angry but no one cares. We are merely a speck of dust in the universe and time”
Now that was quite bad-ass in my opinion, she didn’t let her surroundings control her mood or value, and I asked her how and why she was not bothered by this? And as she looked at me. “I could not afford that, my children are my foundation, my greatest strength and weakness at the same time and the world is not Disneyland”. She also said it was also because of how her dad was empowering her to be more independent. Her story and her mindset are one of many women today and generations before. The unselfishness dedication to their family makes them stronger than any men but at the same time, it puts them in a position where their needs are marginalized and exchanged with ones the society has planned for them. I could probably write a book about the many interactions we have had on this subject but I don’t want to go off-topic today.
But before I give my unfiltered and “who asked you” opinion as a guy ( I can feel the triggered dagger-eyes through your screen already, chill before you shout at me) I will give a 101 speedy history lesson. Don’t worry I won’t take you to the stone ages.
First-wave feminism
Firstly, yes there is such thing, a matter of fact the whole women’s day is birthed by it. The first wave occurred during the 19th and early 20th century throughout the Western world. It focused on legal issues, primarily on securing women’s right to vote. We take in so for granted voting that it doesn’t even occur to many of us that there were times that women couldn’t vote (until probably some male politicians saw the benefits lying to 100% of the population as opposed to only 50% of it). Jokes aside they fought really hard to gain basic voting rights. This did also include marital rights, rights to study and other “basic” stuff we take for granted today. I call it basic because back then it sure as hell was not basic for women to study or to vote. I mean a person with ovaries and study? how ridiculous! Imagine having a discussion with a person with that mindset today. Some of the rights the ladies managed to get were:
- Right to study
- Marital right
- Execute wills
- Right to choose a profession
- Married businesswomen were granted the right to make decisions about their own affairs without their husband’s consent
- Own and manage their own land
- Custody of their children
- Right to hold patents
- Right to vote
- Allowed to divorce
- Practice law
- Act as witness
If you look at these rights they gained you can’t help yourself but to slap the first guy you see in the face, the fact it took us so many years to reach that point. Now I will play the devil’s advocate ( I’m a guy, by definition writing about women’s right makes me the devil anyways). All these rights which were gained were strongly intertwined with the changes that period was facing where the traditional role of men and women were being challenged. No one in history has been given their rights, it has always been demanded, and a change was forced due to changes in what that individual demands of their surrounding. This obviously reflects how women started to change also their own views what kind of value they gave themselves. This adjusted value internally was not being respected externally, hence the change was very much needed and rightly so!
Second-wave Feminism
The second wave was more focused on increasing equality for women. Second-wave feminism broadened the debate to include a wider range of issues: sexuality, family, the workplace, reproductive rights ( A women deciding what to do with her body, the audacity right?! ) it started sometime around the 60ties until the 80ties. The second-wave also put a big-ass spotlight on domestic violence and rape-culture where apparently you needed the consent of the women if you want to sleep with them, another outrageous claim right? Some men reading this are nodding like… yes! outrageous…how dare they! to them I can only say is to please sterilise and just die, please. Domestic violence and rape were socially acceptable and during the second wave, the discussion about this got sparked. I said sparked because we are still dealing with it today, the me-too movement is partly also a result of the acceptance of that culture during that time.
Third-wave feminism
Here is where things start to get a bit more tricky were the issues during the second-wave moved into the third-wave. Reproductive rights were still an issue and lets be honest, domestic violence and rape were and still is very much a problem in our society so you can imagine this wave will still go deep into the fourth-wave. I would call this more a self-awareness period where we were confronted with how derogatory terms are contributing to the problem and how men view women and what they call them but also in process of that, how women view themselves because of that. Third-wave feminists expanded the second-wave feminist’s definition of sexual liberation to “mean a process of first becoming conscious of the ways one’s gender identity and sexuality have been shaped by society and then intentionally constructing (and becoming free to express) one’s authentic gender identity”. Now what the hell is “sexual-liberation” ? That is kind of subjective because it means something else for everyone so any attachment of my personal interpretation is again pointless because I am a guy and it all depends on your location and your own personal views.
Fourth-wave feminism
Fourth-wave feminism is a feminist movement that began around 2012 and is characterized by a focus on the empowerment of women, the use of internet tools, and intersectionality. The fourth wave seeks greater gender equality by focusing on gendered norms and the marginalization of women in society. Fourth-wave feminism argues for equal pay for equal work and that the equal opportunities sought for girls and women should extend also to boys and men to overcome gender norms (for example by expressing emotions and feelings freely, expressing themselves physically as they wish, and to be engaged parents to their children). The utilisation of print, news, and social media platforms to collaborate, mobilize, speak against abuses of power in seeking the empowerment of women and seeking justice against assault and harassment is prominent.
Women in business
So what does this all mean for women in 2021? In my opinion, the main problem we are facing is the self-worth that women give themselves which is based again on their upbringing and the value we as a society give to women. We can talk in circles about whether the chicken came first or the egg, but let’s start breaking that cycle. I can pull up data that shows how terrible we are doing when it comes to women’s rights but I can also be an asshole and pull up some scientific data to support a claim of how great we are doing and we all should chill the fuck out. A friend of mine is the highest-paid person in her department while all her male counterparts are earning less than her while she is not the most experienced or even educated. The main ingredients is very easy, adjust your value to what you think you are actually worth and not what society thinks you are worth. A business model is not sexist, the lady at HR is not sexist, the company wants to pay the least amount of money to the highest qualified person. If you come across as confident, knowledgable and you demand that pay, you will either get it or you have to move on. The main reason there is a wage gap is not that there is some biased underground male society against women, it is because women suffer from internalized inferiority complex and men running the show on ego. This ego along with other factors give men most of the time a feeling of misplaced superiority. This is not something limited to women, but because of how our society views women, women take over and share the same views which in turn affects their own view of their own value. This does not take away that certain jobs are still sexist in nature which makes the businessmodel sexist and where the line of being realistic and sexist kind of gets blurry.
Women quota
Should we put a women quota for garbagecollectors? should we also put a quota for BAME candidates? will we regulate this across all spectrums and all geolocations? do we allocate these quota based on the geolocation and demographic of each area? and how big or small do we circle that area? should a small company in some village with 95% whites have 50% BAME candidates on their workforce? this is just not possible… So how should we go around these certain issues? enforcing a regulation in such matter will only create more confusion and division. I am not saying that there is not a problem or the problem has no solution, but simply stating that the suggested solutions like putting up a quota won’t work. What does work is empowerment in my opinion and increasing your own value.
Become a person of value (to yourself)
A clear example, for years I thought of my own knowledge as not valuable enough and I would undercharge for my services because I was not sure about my value. This led to clear abuse by clients and underpaying me. This had nothing to do with my genitalia ( I mean imagine a world where men’s pay per hour was based on the size of their dicks !) but it had everything to do with how I viewed myself, and that I was willing to sell myself short, I was willing to settle for less pay. So if you are a woman, and you are in a startup or you are applying to that job you really want. Check again what value you are giving yourself because you will be treated the value you give yourself. To ghetto up this term “if you want to be treated like a queen, act like one”. The only freaking reason men are getting paid more is that they all have bloated and misplaced ego’s which for some reason makes them think and feel like they are awesome.
Tough Love
So I love social media posts that are empowering women to be pro-active and undertaking and bold, however whenever I see another post about male-bashing … the only thing that goes to my mind is… you are weak. Pull up your big-girl pants and take the world head-on. It is good to point out that men are part of the problem and the solution, but if you make your mantra’s like “all men are trash”, this says more about you and where your priorities are than the men you are referring to. Blow off your steam but get back on the saddle to create something for yourself, generations before you have fought fucking hard for this, take it, own it, celebrate it and kick some ass along the way.
Should you have some weird-ass audacity to call me names, take into consideration that most of my clients are women with businesses focused on social inequalities… so fuck you and the horse you rode on. What did you do today for women’s right except writing angry tweets? Get your head out of your ass and get to work or else I will send my mum. And don’t forget…. NO-BODY HAS TO RESPECT YOUR FEELINGS OR TAKE IN CONSIDERATION THAT YOUR FEELINGS MIGHT GET HURT…. YOU HAVE TO DEMAND RESPECT…you will be discriminated against but don’t let that stop you from chasing your dreams. Some days it will be harder than others…push forward…fuck them…
And as long as we need things like “women’s day”, that means we are still struggling as a society, I can only hope I will witness the day that we don’t need such days.
p.s.
My personal views reflect my own geolocation, don’t get your panties twisted about women’s right in places where there is a very clear male patriarchy in place. This discussion is way too deep and branches in so many places to be compiled in 1 blog. If you feel I have an out of touch with reality view on this matter please comment below and share your views, I’m always keen to learn 🙂